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Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Hey ADAM! Strong Women are Here to Stay!

 I have been hearing it for ages, but of late, it has become an ECHO following me around!
Be Either a Strong Woman or a Good Woman!

A majority of the men do find it very hard to cope up with strong, assertive, talented women at their workplace. They seem to them as domain intruders in the corridors of work, foreign bodies in the system of life and an invader of their own territory.Even if a woman is an achiever or accomplishes, they attribute it to the attention they get from men bosses by virtue of which they got promoted. 

This is a great question. And the unfortunate news is that, yes, some men are terrified of strong, talented women. Now what is it that rips through a man’s heart when he sees a strong woman enough to label her “impossible to get along” “never ever listens” and “good woman but arrogant”!

All across the world it is almost like some gift if ever a woman attains equal footing either personally or professionally. Very few strong women make it to the top, whilst a large majority falls by the wayside. So now is this a gender face-off or a gender-bias?

 Even amongst men leaders,very few get along as they are very domain oriented Alpha males; one can just imagine an Alpha female coming along! The whole domain war intensifies and end result is that women feel challenged and diminished. Guess most women are assumed to grow against opposition, because we are so naturally good at overcoming challenges.

Sometimes I have heard reports of these turf wars becoming dirty, petty and unbearable! Frustration sets in because of unfulfilled ambitions, organizational politics and worst of all- unrealized dreams.
Just because the potential of an able woman remains untapped …just because she is a woman?

 I have personally been the victim of being feared and hence pulled own just because being “honest” was considered as being “no pliable” and “non compliant” .Deficient people in power, men/women lack  self esteem and confidence, hence  repeatedly attack persons with “integrity” They take pot shots mostly at women since the emotional and moral component seems more vulnerable. 

My personal experience suggests it is all about one’s own psyche. Seen enough men and women  both of who are tramps, deficient in confidence and ability…hence attack becomes the best form of defense for them! Insecurity governs what the deficient believe is a way to usurp “power”…maybe the masculine “dominance” “strength” is assumed to be a virtue and the very same in women a “demerit”…how sad a standard of scale is that?

There is a fine line between strong willed and bossy, arrogant, self-centered, and controlling. A man or a woman does want to necessarily control or dominate, but neither does he/she want to be controlled and dominated. He /she doesn’t want to feel like they are butting heads all of the time. 

Strong people, independent people don’t need to tell you they’re strong or independent! We must never feel redundant or unnecessary either at home or work. Cheers to people… both men and women in power who know navigating organizational politics means:
I don’t need to control
I have nothing to prove 
I am whole and fulfilled because I live by my own standards

In a world reigned by a challenged man stomping on a strong woman’s virtues to validate his own worth, may the tribe of Alpha Females grow and  lead lives of Independence and Competence.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Move over Scambos and Dumbos…..Rambo is on his way! Naam ya Kaam?

“It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation.”  said Herman Melville.

Isn't it the misfortune for India that tainted politicians get elected and selected for important positions, probably to do more damage to the country! The rousing reception for DMK’s M Kanimozhi, following her victory in Rajya Sabha elections, resembled a party's victory bash after winning state elections. Ms Kanizmohi is still fighting the 2G spectrum scam case for which she spent more than six months behind bars. Critics say she should have waited till her name was cleared in the case. But Ms Kanimozhi says she need not. "I have an example in Tamil Nadu Chief Minister (J Jayalalithaa) and I didn't have to wait till charges against me are cleared," she told NDTV. The DMK did not have enough numbers to ensure her victory and it was support of its former ally Congress' five MLAs that brought her a second term in Parliament. 
Long live the “United Plunderers Association”

The Plunderers continue to preside over a government in which almost every single minister, including the Prime Minister, has been linked to serious financial scams. Allegations have been ignored, denied or buried, investigations have been manipulated, and till today no action, or little action, has been taken

We cannot reform politics until the people and the delivery of justice is reformed. Delayed justice and tardy law enforcers have encouraged criminalization of politics. The country has been submerged by a tide of corruption scandals one more in magnitude than the other. These mammoth scandals are at a gigantic cost which India surely cannot afford.

When existing laws cannot be implemented wonder why some intellectual pygmies bring on new laws! The subjects have lost all their faith in the empire! Dynasty destroys painfully proven the worst ways….60 years is truly a long time. Its high time kaam spoke instead of naam!

Anna and Kejriwal have swung 360 degrees and converted a protest into their own desired manifestoes. The Cop Lady’s dreams remain! Crimes soar; Civic conditions continue to deteriorate. Black money inhibits capable people from entering politics, Merits rarely gets rewarded.Caste invariably divides!

Hope Young Emergent India wakes up. Hope they pitch to cleanse their immediate surroundings. They cannot set the sky as the limit; they must ensure more footprints on the moon. We can become the greatest force for progress and prosperity in human history.No point either wearing a dupatta of deceit or a burqha of secularism!...India must get past the caste divide!...past the Plunderers!

In the words of Robert Fripp who says “In strange and uncertain times such as those we are living in, sometimes a reasonable person might despair. But hope is unreasonable and love is greater even than this. May we trust the inexpressible benevolence of the creative impulse?”

It would be too late and if we don’t ASAP sanitize the law breakers would soon be the only legislators we ever have! Guess it’s time for a puppy lover to take over!

Move over Scambos and Dumbos…..Rambo is on his way!


Monday, April 22, 2013

Twisted Children Broken Adults

A Gateway to the Future of Children?

When a child is abused it is a lot more than bruises, violation or broken bones. While physical abuse might be the most visible, other types of abuse, such as emotional abuse and neglect, also leave deep, lasting scars. 

The Delhi incident and incidents across the country continue to haunt me. Just sharing my experience of having traced,punished and healed many such victims. All I did was invest one hour a week!

When it comes to rape, so much emphasis is placed on what girls should do to protect themselves. This feeds the illusion that if you just do/don’t do the right things you can be safe from rape.  And conversely, that if a girl/young woman has been raped she must have done something wrong! 

How do I Prevent Abuse or Rape?

This question is very important to me having spent nearly 20 years treating child and adolescent victims of sexual assault and abuse.

Police Commissioner Neeraj Kumar told a news conference Monday that the rise in the number of reported sex crimes in New Delhi was a measure of how much more seriously police are taking such reports since the gang rape of a medical student in December had led to widespread protests and the enactment of a new rape law. In addition to a sharp rise in the number of reported sexual assault cases, cases of sexual harassment have risen more than sevenfold, he said. I quote from

Manoj Kumar and Pradeep Kumar have been arrested on suspicion that they used chocolate to lure the 5-year-old into Manoj Kumar’s apartment, where they raped, tortured and tried to kill her. The men are alleged to have fled shortly afterward. Two days later, her parents found her in the apartment after hearing her crying, according to reports in the Indian media.

                    We all heard what the silly Politicians and so called Keepers of law had to say!
Knee in Mouth Disease!

The 5-year-old’s family said the police did not take their complaint seriously, did not search adequately and then tried to bribe them into silence after she was found.

What has happened in the past cannot be changed unless we start DOING lots about a malice which is centuries old.
Unfortunately, only a small percentage of rapists end up in prison. The rest are free to repeat their crimes. 

According to the most comprehensive, representative survey in the United States--the National Violence Against Women Survey: (unfortunately I own no authentic published Indian Data as most of the so called Commissions are famous for merely giving Statements on TV)
  • 1 of every 6 women (17.6%) and 1 of every 33 men (3%) have been raped at some time in their lives
  • The majority of the victims were younger than 18 years old when they were raped (females - 54%; males - 71%).
  • Most disturbingly, many victims were less than 12 years old when they were raped (girls - 21.6%; boys - 48%).
  • Girls under the age of 12 were most likely to be victimized by relatives. The girls ages 12 to 17 were more likely to be victimized by intimates and acquaintances. Women were more likely to be raped by intimates.
  • Boys and men are more likely to be raped by acquaintances at all ages.
 It all starts with Awareness my dear Friends!

 Some myths that I have come across: whilst conducting Awareness sessions on “Preventing Acquaintance Rape/Abuse” - I would like to share with you all:

MYTH #1:
Only Bad People Abuse Their Children.
Fact: It is NOT only "bad people" who abuse their children. Some people who abuse may be struggling with mental health issues or a substance abuse problem. Not all abusers are intentionally harm, some might have been victims of abuse themselves, and lack good parenting skills.

MYTH #2:
It's only Abuse if it's Violent and Leaves Visible Injuries.
Fact: Physical abuse is just one type of child abuse. Neglect and emotional abuse can be just as damaging, and since they are more subtle, others are less likely to intervene.

MYTH #3:
Most Child Abusers are Strangers.
Fact: While rarely abuse by strangers does happen, most abusers are family members or others close to the family. People have this STRONG stigma of being socially ostracized or distanced once the issue gets into the public domain.

MYTH #4:
Child Abuse doesn't Happen in “Cultured” “Good” Families.
Fact: Child abuse doesn't only happen in poor families or bad neighborhoods. It crosses all racial, economic, and cultural lines. Sometimes, families who seem to have it all from the outside are hiding a different story behind closed doors. It is surely sad but the BITTER truth!

Abused Children Always Grow up to be Abusers.
Fact: It is true that abused children are more likely to repeat the cycle as adults, unconsciously repeating what they experienced as children. On the other hand, many adult survivors of child abuse have a strong motivation to protect their children against what they went through and become excellent parents. It can be either or as is the case.

So what can YOU do?
  • Continue to educate yourself? Help raise awareness?  
  • Just one more person YOU can make more AWARE, HELPS!
  • One way to increase convictions is for more law enforcement officers and prosecutors to receive specialized training in sex crimes.
  • Media attention and community pressure can help push local authorities into pursuing this training if they have not already done so.
  •  Teach potential victims ways to protect themselves in a manner in which they understand.
  • Another method of prevention approach is to reach teen boys and young men before they commit rape. Providing high school age and college age young men with a structured and supportive space to empower themselves about healthy masculinity and redefine male strength.
  • A lot has been said about how young women should learn self-defense. They should lock themselves in their houses after dark. They shouldn’t wear short skirts. They shouldn’t leave drinks unattended. Perhaps they shouldn’t dare to get drunk at all. I would prefer not to add anymore to this phenomenon.
  • Educate potential perpetrators through anti violence programs. If you are a parent, talk to your children and teens about safety and healthy dating relationships.

I appeal to all those who go through this blog,  PLEASE do not be stuck in cycles of protests, violence, blaming and misplaced responsibility and just watch in deafening silence.
Only by putting responsibility where it really belongs, on those who commit acts of violence and abuse, can we start to break this cycle.

Help raise Awareness.  
One more person you can make more aware --HELPS!

Let us NOT perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions.
You can, too, help yourself!

P:S: I would like to acknowledge and THANK my friend Dwijith for taking time off his busy schedule to help me with his creative back up to convey a message via "illustrations" A picture is sure worth a million words

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Rape Goes Viral....Infectious Epidemic Requires Vaccine!

Deadly HIV= Her Integrity Vanishing?

Get beaten if you stand up….Get killed if you speak up!

Is rage the primal driver behind all this India Gate/ Jantar Mantar upheaval? –The urgent need to a total overhaul of Indian criminal justice system and a process of police reform to protect our women. Are we a violent society who has lost all moral dignity? We have become proud to be intolerant and have come to accept misplaced arguments about words like liberation, equality, freedom and human rights?

Only recently a gang of at least a dozen men dragged a woman onto the road by her hair, tried to rip off her clothes and smiled at the cameras that filmed it all, a visibly warped attitude – of politicians, of police, of other women – the list is endless! 

We have horribly failed to put a leash on the flooding libido – of rapists –sick predators including cops and other security personnel.
Constantly, we are forbidding a woman to put on, a pair of jeans or to have the veil on in order not to provoke male sexuality. Even reforms/laws are planned/framed on the basis of the myopic views of the predominant male vision! Are we regressing as a Society?

I also hear of as many as 28-30 sitting members of the Parliament in senior positions to have rape, sexual abuse or molestation cases pending against them. Upon inquiry, it might tumble out that many of our legislators and parliamentarians are guilty as well of complicity in other crimes against women – female foeticide, dowry deaths, domestic violence etc.  

The Delhi gang rape incident might push Parliament to reform laws? Excuse me…The irony of it all! So far what's the outcome:

  • Suspending two ACP and seeking explanations?...Singing Beethoven to the Buffaloes!
  • Victim’s condition worsens but vital parameters remain stable….A life term for her?
  • LG slams Delhi Police for security lapse…..Case of Pot calling Kettle black!
  • Police names Ramdev and VK in FIR for clashes at Jantar Mantar…. What a Blame Game!
  • Some dysfunctional Women’s Rights Bosses with verbal diarrhea speak up!...Routine!

Golden sentences from Home Minister Shinde who seems to constantly sit with his knees in his mouth   ......worth framing!

  •  “It’s very easy to ask the HM to go to India Gate and talk…tomorrow Maoists will come to demo with weapons”
  • ·“Earlier Bofors was a talking point people forgot about it. Now it is coal this too will be forgotten” –said on September 15th!

The Honorable and Stoic Silent PM finally SPOKE!!! …..that too prepared speech with definite opening body and conclusion!

It’s a shame for the PM who spent so much time to argue for FDI in retail chose to remain mum on gang rape! He is concerned for the young woman who was the victim of this heinous crime! He came in with a slew of measures to address violence against women but the innocuous question “Theek Hai” at the end of it makes me suspect the whole “script”

Ironically the Speaker, The UPA chairperson are women, have barely or sincerely addressed concerns. Of 906 police stations in Karnataka only 10 are women manned! One example of imbalance!

Branding of women and public humiliation almost like she has committed the crimes, do a clean disservice to the victims by aligning sometimes with the side of the perpetrators be they murderers or rapists. Even members of the judiciary make lewd remarks about rape and women. Even children are raped across the country…. Rapists’ rarely punished!

Women gets ogled, pawed, and even pinched on roads, during travel, work place subject to lewd talk.

What we need urgently and consistently is to undertake a process of thorough gender sensitization.

Every 22 minutes a girl raped but conviction is hardly 26 % if people are tired of lethargy, do they deserve water canons… tear gas… and lathis? As the nation waits for Nirbhaya case to be resolved, the anger on the ground is very palpable.

I am drowned deaf with some questions ringing in my ears!
  • Is a woman entitled to the Right to safety?
  • Are we a democratic state or a police state?
  • Is the Police primarily occupied in providing VIP security
  •  Is this a loud shout fallen on deaf ears once again?
  • When will the Blame Game Stop and Punishing the guilty start?
  • Why are Women’s issues considered marginal and trivia
  • Is social activism and media propaganda or judicial backlash enough?
To add on is the great ‘Bhartiya’ repressed libido. Men seek out cheap pleasure and have little fear of law. The stigma is always attached to a woman being raped; we surely know the social value of a so called 'Pavitr Naari' aka ‘clean’ and ‘pure’ woman. The ‘stigma’ of a raped woman has been made so entrenched in our sick minds, that it overrules the fear of punishment of the rapist. Guess it largely explains the underreporting of the sexual crimes against women. The rapist most often roams free!

In the largely apathy ridden society of today, gruesome stories of rape and abuse would make people squirm. The question here is … are we able to give a sanitized atmosphere to our women who have every right to make the most of their sexuality, dress and speak the way they like?

Women Surely Have a Right to Safety. Anyone violating must be punished without delay or deliberations.

What we need urgently and consistently is to undertake a process of thorough gender sensitization.

Now people are demanding castration for repeated offenders?
Who is going to ensure this law? The Irony of it all------
Invariably a MAN -wielding two very powerful scrotal sacs! 

Get Beaten if You Stand Up….Get Killed if You Speak Up!

Rape-Bitter Chocolate for the Cowards! Without NUTS!

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/bangalore/Bangalore-teens-face-the-worst/articleshow/17750797.cms?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=tweets http://www.deccanherald.com/content/300755/24x7-helpline-women-soon.html