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Monday, November 29, 2010

Aaaah...The "F" Word...!!!!

She’s plump,sloppy, powerful and ready to cause more controversy!!! Is that a trend that’s getting back? Breasts, laps, buttocks, shoulders, and most of what is associated with the  so called “asset” systems obscured in an avalanche of flesh! …Fat is in!!

I have always been repulsed by thin women!… I find them disgusting: their absurd bow legged walking, their absence of body contour—breasts, laps, buttocks, shoulders, Most of what I like to see in a woman, missing and leaving nothing but a  rivets of bones…

Black steel, twisted and hard, encasing the bodies lots of poor souls. The weight of machines bearing down on the bodies of women, sweat dripping from their brow as they endured the pain. Another Aunty, strapped onto some tool, stretching her body to and fro as she grimaces in agony!- Torture devices as far as the eye can see, each imprisoning another wretched body. This may sound like I'm describing some medieval dungeon, but I'm not. I'm describing a horror far worse... The Gym!!...Fit is in?

Every time I set foot in the gym, I see people that haven’t the slightest clue as to why they are there, nor what they should be doing!

My gym is more like a nursing home than a model agency!! Many 40 plus aunties..coming to heal their heels!.. They even take the elevator up to the gym (which is on the 2nd floor), only to run on the treadmills, pounding them into oblivion for almost 40 minutes. Goodness, you're gonna run a few miles- just take the damn stairs! Hours and hours of pointless walking makes it...seem more like the “dreadmill”!!

 Most often women in particular are found working out their mouths rather than their bodies.Its said that building muscle mass is even more difficult than giving birth!.. No wonder I have a trainer yell at the top of his voice-“If you want the body you’ve always dreamed of, you’re going to need to break the rules and become a fitness outlaw... You choose!”I have confirmed  that the vast majority of women at gyms never lift weights.They would often bring books and magazines to read on the bikes or treadmills, the pedaling and walking those often almost a slow, plodding after thought to the reading, and would spend copious amounts of time on the “fat-jiggling” machines.

But then the amount of time many female gym-goers spend on their make-up or hair at the gym suggests to me that exercising is not their primary reason for going to gym.. High on the list of ‘progress pitfalls’  is another phenomenon termed “socialising”…The male Instructor was the privileged one, and he made sure he wore the leotards( or as I call them " nut huggers") to the gym. This I assume was an attempt to impress the aunties, and the aunties end up laughing because it looked like  he was smuggling a peanut in his shorts!! I must  admit though he had plenty of  “FIRE”…(female impressing raging energy)!!!...Fake is in!

Then came Yoga….
We were winding down after a yoga class that was a little strenuous and tiring!!  We lay down on our backs and closed our eyes and started to relax our whole body.  I turned to my left and the old lady lying next to me was sound asleep!-Have you ever heard of the gas relieving pose?  There is such a thing!.. You lie on your back with one leg out on the floor and the other pulled into your chest with knee bent.  We were doing this pose and one of the women let out a big fart!  It took all of my strength to keep from laughing.  To my surprise no one else seemed to notice or care but I found it hilarious!...Fart is in?..or is it out?..lol

50% of the people in the gym these days are posers! The other half are there for a hard workout. One way you can tell  people who are posers, is that they always look around at people and sometimes even wear sunglasses in the gym!.. People who are seriously working out rarely make any eye contact!! 

Real women have more to their personality then just the wrapper on the outside, because one day its going to be gone, even if you work out…irrespective of whether you are “Fat” or “Fit”… So don’t just go through life…Do grow through life!!!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Goodbye Tension, Hello Pension!!

Summer  this time felt hotter
And Winter setting in seems much colder.
2010..I realize another year has passed
And aren't we all another year older?

Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper?  Groceries are heavier. But surprisingly wallets are lighter!...  And, everything is farther away.I started realizing that makers of clothing are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 32 pair of pants a 42! Manufacturers of bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse!!... Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? Heck!  I would never let myself weigh that much! I refuse to accept I’m being fooled anymore!

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be!

I would never trade my amazing friends, (including some on Face Book) my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly! As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.However it seemed to me that a lot of things had changed!

Whose business is it if I choose to read or surf on the computer until 2 am.I  sometimes enjoy time with myself…sing and dance. I am contemplating going to Goa where I will walk or maybe hop  the beaches in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and I dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the bikini set… They, too, will get old! Lol…

Life has indeed been a great mix of emotions the two most important being joy and sadness!!  Life without sadness is like love without hurt! All pristine and sterile never knowing the joy of being imperfect….Having rendered Oral Health care services for mare than two decades I can’t resist telling you about an incident…..

A friend of mine,Harsha, used to drive a bus load  of retired folks to a resort near Devanahalli.He always found great joy in taking the pensioners from an old age home, to a nearby resort on weekends! That was his way of giving back!! As in food for the soul!!

One day, during one such trip, he was tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady,Shobakka. She offered him a handful of kadalekkai ( peanuts), which he happily took and ate! After about 20 minutes, she tapped him on his shoulder again, and handed him another handful of kadlekkai!! Shobakka, repeated this generous gesture several more times through the journey. When she was about to hand him another batch again, he decided to ask her, 'why don't you and your friends eat the kadelakkai yourself?’. 

'We can't chew them because we’ve no teeth’, she answered. 

Harsha was puzzled and inquired, 'Then why on earth do you buy them?'
'Oh, we just love the chocolate around them', replied Shobakka, grinning!!.... Lol...

A Physician I’ve learnt buries his mistakes whereas a Dentist Pulls them out!

 People my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend at the supermarket the other day, and she has aged so much, that she didn't even recognize me… What do people want MOST in the world? What is the most sought-after goal? From the moment we awaken to the moment we close our eyes at night, what is it we seek every minute of the day? 

We want to feel good!!

On some level we all know that life is about feeling. If we don’t feel life, we miss life. And, of course, the most popular choice is to feel good.The primary motivation behind every action we take is the desire to feel happy!!!!!

As you grow older the only regrets are, the things you didn't do!

Friday, November 19, 2010


For Airline travelers today, delays,queues and overcrowded terminals are unfortunately no longer an exception; they are generally the RULE!!!. Due to a variety of converging circumstances, this problem has progressively worsened in the last 5 years, affecting passenger satisfaction,security and safety risks.

An official inquiry into the Mangalore plane crash in May that killed 158 people has concluded that pilot error was to blame. Details leaked to the media showed that the senior pilot of the Air India Express flight, was in 'sleep inertia' – he had been asleep for much of the flight and then made critical errors because he was disoriented when the plane began its descent - approaching the runway at Mangalore at the wrong angle, and ignoring warnings from his co-pilot to abort the landing and try again.The plane, a two-year-old Boeing 737, overshot and burst into flames after crashing into a ravine!!!

Further media debated the fact that some pilots are over worked and tired ,hence they sleep on board whilst flying!!!!

I remember that cold day less than a week ago as I walked down the endless rows of furniture in the new Terminal -3 at the Indira Gandhi International Airport , Delhi.I was oblivious to the sounds of the screaming commuters around me.All that was on my mind was anticipation, a little hope, and a checkbook in my pocket that seemed to weigh so heavy despite the lack of funds it represented! I was rushing to board a connecting flight to Bangalore within 15 minutes of landing at  the International terminal!!! I missed the flight!

The additional security measures have contributed to creating bottlenecks at almost every contact point a passenger must pass through. From check-in to boarding the plane, a passenger's every task has been lengthened.I paid the price!!

To add to my woes once I boarded,the Cabin crew?...Aren't they ever tired? Are they not over worked? Guess not!!
In the initial ‘honeymoon’ period, the opportunity to travel, to see the world and to meet a wealth of differing peoples and cultures contributes to the perceived ‘glamour’ of the role. The opportunity to escape the routine of many ground-based jobs adds to this attraction. Realities such as a lack of control of lifestyle, being away from family and friends and the difficulties in planning ahead, could begin to deflate the glamour ‘bubble.’ The physical implications of the job, such as compounded sleep deprivation, bathing in make up,jet-lag and dehydration can also take their toll!!!

“There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane”said the Air Hostess…or was it?

During travel, of the various thoughts occupying our minds, flight attendants usually are not it!..Unless they do something abnormally nice, obnoxiously rude or posses aisle traffic stopping good looks!or if they actually Scare you!!!

The voice that reverberated was that  a Scare Hostess!! Instead of an Air hostess!!! The"senior" flight attendant said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."In case of a drop in cabin pressure,masks will descend from the ceiling….Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

The flight attendant aboard the Air India flight was continuing the safety speech and said, "The button over your head with the picture of a light bulb on it turns on your light, the button with the picture of the flight attendant does NOT turn on your flight attendant so DON'T PUSH IT!"

Air India Staff is not as well paid as we might be lead to believe. They also have similar long shifts as doctors, with night duties and no regular weekend holidays. Then there is the added pressure of maintaining your appearance and controlling your weight unless you are “grounded”.

I had encountered a new breed of reluctant hostesses, the “Scare Hostesses” who are over worked, under paid and have smiled way past the Forged Smile Authenticity Guidelines!!

 I had also done my fair share of ignoring unless I was hungryor thirsty. Somehow as the threshold is passed from economy to the executive class the level of mannerisms between the passengers and the Scare Hostess seemed to transcend from restrained politeness to attention, concern and courtesy.

This emotion is obviously also feigned, but the acting is far superior, just like the cost of the ticket!!...By the way I had paid a whopping fare to fly to Bangalore!

I was about to fall asleep, when the loud sound of a middle aged woman talking across the aisle to some girls woke me up along with half of the plane!! On a late night flight all you wish for is some sleep on the plane.Since the woman was much older to me in age, I called our Scare Hostess and asked her if she could politely ask this lady to keep her voice down, since many like me were trying to sleep!! Guess what happens next….

The salwar clad woman sitting next to me popped her head out after the air hostess left and told me that it is very nice and considerate of me to point that out. I just shrugged and admitted my sole personal interest. At which she told me, but this happens on many flights, our passengers lack basic manners and need to be reminded time and again… I asked, if she was a frequent traveler, to which she told me that she was actually -A Scare Hostess herself!!!!

I found this quite interesting since I had never had a chance to talk to a Scare Hostess before. Pointing towards her dupatta I asked her why she covered her haed..She shyly smiled and told me she did it because frequent travelers recognize scare hostesses even when they are not on duty and traveling in a personal capacity!! I realized the similar celebrity hazards this woman faced, as she recounted tales of passionate love declarations on the plane, and stalker situations.!!.

As the pilot hammered the plane into the runway really hard….  I realized that for me the journey had ended, but this plane had to go back along with all the crew but new passengers and new stories!

 Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane.  She asked me Beta, mind if I ask you a question?' Why no Ma'am',  I said 'What is it', the little old lady said, 'Did we land or were we Shot down?' Lol!

Lingering thoughts haunt me of a Scare Hostess in bed with her spouse!.... Guess she would tell him. "Put it over your nose and mouth and continue to breath normally."

Monday, November 15, 2010


Life is too short to dwell on the past, but too long not to learn from it.

You've got to accept the fact that life isn't a fairy tale, things aren't always happily ever after. Nobody said it would be easy, but they did promise it would be worth it. Take chances, live for today, and let changes take their toll. Sometimes life is so perfect,  or is it? Most often it has to be to made up for all the hard stuff it throws your way. You have to learn how to walk, and you have to learn even how to talk!!!

Things like magic wishes, Prince Charming and true love don't happen in real life.

Magic wishes come from money, Prince Charming is a shallow idiot with bad breath,a bad haircut and overpriced clothes .. And true love? Ha, true love is a one-sided--Ace. You love her, she loves someone else. She loves you, you love someone else. Never quite works out does it? So you end up with some actor pretending to be your true love.... Real considerate of someone to let you know reality was like that before being thrown into it. The biggest decision in life is to decide whether it’s best to, give up, or to try harder

'If you wish, it'll happen.'...  Well, wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which one fills up faster!!Welcome to reality....Do enjoy your stay in the realm of REALITY!!!.
Study what people's faces look like in the moonlight…Set aside time to watch the sun set over your most favorite beach…. Study colors. Wonder why  and how things work. Breathe in the smell of fresh flowers, or newly cut grass. Sun bathe. Moon bathe. Just don't forget to bathe...Splash in potholes and puddles. Dance in the sun.Dance in the rain. Dance in your room. Dance in your office.Just dance for the reason of dancing! When your favorite song comes on, sing at the top of your voice,scream your lungs out. Laugh. Laugh aloud!Even if you don't want to, soon you'll start laughing for real.
Most importantly, don't ever forget where you came from. And, don't deny yourself. Sometimes there's no time outs, no second chances, sometimes it’s now or never……. Accept your life, even if it’s not your dream. You're perfect the way you are, no matter how it seems. You start out life with a clean slate. Then you begin to make your mark…..Stop chasing perfection!!!  That's one step away from CALMSUTRA!!!

Monday, November 8, 2010

"Men are like Eggs"

Men are like eggs. They must hatch or go bad!!!

I came to this conclusion after bringing in the New Year with a gang of friends and hearing one of them, a single guy of 35 named Hari, declare with complete sincerity that his resolution for 2010 was not to have a girlfriend! 

I groaned.... His vow struck me as odd, not just because Hari is a remarkably warm, kind and entertaining individual rather than some ropey dude, but because I knew him ten years ago when he was mustard keen to marry his then girlfriend. And when I thought harder about it, I realized that over the past decade Hari has effectively been degenerating from the man he was at 25 years old to the boy he is today!

The person who fell in love and believed that when you found a great girl you counted your blessings and married her, has morphed into someone in search of nothing more than a bit of fun, who views any relationship that he can’t get out of at the ping of a text message with genuine unease. 

Where have all the men gone? Instead, we have an overload of man-boys – which leaves a generation of single, forty something women who are their natural mates bewildered. I might have ended up being single!

I am often told that our problem boils down to bad timing!! In our early twenties (the age at which our parents tended to meet and marry), we, arguably the first generation of properly educated and professionally ambitious women, were not ready to settle down and start having babies. 

By our late twenties many of us did end up reconnecting with our first love, or met men of a similar age who were still young enough to want to match and hatch! 

But for those who didn’t, life is increasingly complicated – and infuriating. 

The assumption seems to be that it is our fault that we can’t find “him”. Don’t wait. Mr. Right can turn into Mr. Wrong overnight: there are no certainties.

And we wonder why men are afraid to commit, when women are depicted as hormonally charged sperm-bandits interested in nothing beyond the urge to have a child!!!

Nobody expects these guys to settle for Ms. OK, either, but it’s fair to say that most of them are not looking to settle for anyone – and, in fact, dating a series of Ms .OK's fill the gap nicely....

“In theory I’d like a family,” says one. “But it doesn’t feel urgent and in the meantime I have a great life with plenty of sex – all on my own terms.Love has sort of disappeared from the menu! And yes, now I’ve learnt that I can, I mess women around in ways I’d never have done in my twenties.” 

Horror stories from friends abound, too. “I spent most of last year with a guy who used to weigh me every day and refused to sleep with me if I got too heavy,” admits a colleague. Gosh! How bonkers was that?

But the awful thing is that once you pass 38, you find it's single men rather than single women who are the prize commodity!

Many of these guys would be living happily as husbands and fathers had they taken the plunge. But they haven’t.... So what’s the answer?

Become more hard-boiled and accept that, in return for children, we will have to make do with someone only OK? Go after men years younger than us? Or try bruised divorcees ten years older? 

There is another option, of course!!! And that is that the whole generation of single man-boys starts behaving like men.

Meanwhile, everyone else could stop asking single women why they’re not married yet, and wrongly assuming that it’s because they are so work-obsessed that they don’t want to be!!

They sometimes love their eggs “unfertilised”

Believe me; I have studied single women!
They are not single through want of trying!!