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Monday, November 8, 2010

"Men are like Eggs"

Men are like eggs. They must hatch or go bad!!!

I came to this conclusion after bringing in the New Year with a gang of friends and hearing one of them, a single guy of 35 named Hari, declare with complete sincerity that his resolution for 2010 was not to have a girlfriend! 

I groaned.... His vow struck me as odd, not just because Hari is a remarkably warm, kind and entertaining individual rather than some ropey dude, but because I knew him ten years ago when he was mustard keen to marry his then girlfriend. And when I thought harder about it, I realized that over the past decade Hari has effectively been degenerating from the man he was at 25 years old to the boy he is today!

The person who fell in love and believed that when you found a great girl you counted your blessings and married her, has morphed into someone in search of nothing more than a bit of fun, who views any relationship that he can’t get out of at the ping of a text message with genuine unease. 

Where have all the men gone? Instead, we have an overload of man-boys – which leaves a generation of single, forty something women who are their natural mates bewildered. I might have ended up being single!

I am often told that our problem boils down to bad timing!! In our early twenties (the age at which our parents tended to meet and marry), we, arguably the first generation of properly educated and professionally ambitious women, were not ready to settle down and start having babies. 

By our late twenties many of us did end up reconnecting with our first love, or met men of a similar age who were still young enough to want to match and hatch! 

But for those who didn’t, life is increasingly complicated – and infuriating. 

The assumption seems to be that it is our fault that we can’t find “him”. Don’t wait. Mr. Right can turn into Mr. Wrong overnight: there are no certainties.

And we wonder why men are afraid to commit, when women are depicted as hormonally charged sperm-bandits interested in nothing beyond the urge to have a child!!!

Nobody expects these guys to settle for Ms. OK, either, but it’s fair to say that most of them are not looking to settle for anyone – and, in fact, dating a series of Ms .OK's fill the gap nicely....

“In theory I’d like a family,” says one. “But it doesn’t feel urgent and in the meantime I have a great life with plenty of sex – all on my own terms.Love has sort of disappeared from the menu! And yes, now I’ve learnt that I can, I mess women around in ways I’d never have done in my twenties.” 

Horror stories from friends abound, too. “I spent most of last year with a guy who used to weigh me every day and refused to sleep with me if I got too heavy,” admits a colleague. Gosh! How bonkers was that?

But the awful thing is that once you pass 38, you find it's single men rather than single women who are the prize commodity!

Many of these guys would be living happily as husbands and fathers had they taken the plunge. But they haven’t.... So what’s the answer?

Become more hard-boiled and accept that, in return for children, we will have to make do with someone only OK? Go after men years younger than us? Or try bruised divorcees ten years older? 

There is another option, of course!!! And that is that the whole generation of single man-boys starts behaving like men.

Meanwhile, everyone else could stop asking single women why they’re not married yet, and wrongly assuming that it’s because they are so work-obsessed that they don’t want to be!!

They sometimes love their eggs “unfertilised”

Believe me; I have studied single women!
They are not single through want of trying!!


  1. u very rarely meet a real man...wish all the boys wud take the last option and turn themselves into real men frm bein momma's pets and hatch out of their shells rather than rot in 'em...keep bloggin ma'm..

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  3. Intriguing thoughts penned down....And i guess i would agree in humour or otherwise...i want to give my opinion to particularly one instance,...
    “In theory I’d like a family,” says one. “But it doesn’t feel urgent and in the meantime I have a great life with plenty of sex – all on my own terms.Love has sort of disappeared from the menu! And yes, now I’ve learnt that I can, I mess women around in ways I’d never have done in my twenties.”
    Currently i believe the the upper comment aptly describes the younger generation of the ladies in their twenties......... So why complain if men get the urge in their forties...

  4. Realities of life nicely projected..... yes

  5. Very well said ma'am...
    Think, The REAL men are like dinosaurs, we’ve all heard they existed, but never came across or seen a real one… the only place we find them is in celluloid…

  6. Ushy I need some time to read your article...love to read during CALMsutra mood :-) cheers

  7. 70% of the women conveniently end up findin themselves in a mess because theres no room for comprmise between the spouses. its an ego-centric world we live in.. i sure as hell wanna replace the whole thing around "where are all the real women.." sheesh... mata

  8. Calmsutra - Innovative, blog title n theme.
    Men are like eggs - an observation of certain similar views...more a read would be your finding(s) on what makes them so as u concluded.

  9. well ma'am i need sum tym to understand dis complicated thin..... will definitely comment on dis meri akal se zada hai :-)

  10. The best of sex and love. relating and marrying, are all ready to burst forth within oneself, Instead, searching for it outside to fill oneself up with is a tiring and wasting affair! Good writing Ushaji, in spite of it appearing disturbed and disturbing!

  11. ur blog is already a hit keep it up

  12. The first thing that stuck me was The uncopmpatiblity of the situation values and ethos of up bringing.
    U know the cultural mismatch.
    Men are like eggs but where in our Indian circumstances I should rather modify this are MEN ARE LIKE HENS WITH GUTS OF CHIKEN.
    SECONDLY the authour is lambblasting as an unmarried aged unsatisfied with herself and she is doubly unsure of her choice of her life patner.
    Who is Hari an truth or an pseodonyn.
    An make
    belive charecter who says I will be loyal to his GF. And what is wrong with that.
    Is this authour not her GF or she wants to be or she is an Ex GF. Ten yrs ago.
    Will cretainly post how an average Indian man or women reacts to choosing of life mates.
    Do we love and marry or marry and then love !
    Do we stay loyal to our patners?
    What role has our role models in our decision making wrt our marriage ?
    Does our committment is lifetime one or for two and for infinity no of pateners.
    Nice to hear what's happening around the globe but an word of caution
    " our life style our decision our attitude is key to our happiness"

  13. Oh that was a good read.But do need to go thru it again. I loved and married at 21, had children , and unloved & unmarried by the time I was 40. Well, I prefer to not take love too seriously ever again. Although it has never failed to surprise me that considering the number of people in this world, how come most of us marry the incompatible one? Or maybe reality is that there is a limit to compatibility.

  14. At 25: Fast & Furious, unbalanced mind between "Money & Moan"
    At 35: Thinking of Matured enough
    At 40: Tired of everything - But still trying to maintain "Wrinkle Free" Shirt & Trousers + Face
    Better start Love at Late 20's & Settle at Early 30"s....

  15. Typical Indian men mentality and the mind set of Indian women visaviz marriage commitment love affairs and hypocrisy.
    Men never say the first word in any situation mentioned above and many more unmentioned as they prefer ignomity to defeat.
    Women dream and plan but surrender to realisim and societys image of what should be an ideal Bharitya Nari.
    Men are self boosting name droping charecters.
    Women in our country are self flagellating poor second class type mentality. Fir them it's drilled that on this age of female fetiocide dowry deaths and femamie crimanlity they should be happy to be alive and kicking.
    Men can do all boost all conqure all and women are to be grin it and bear it
    men in india are society builders and women in india are home builders.
    The men in india are closed minded hypocrites and women are supressed one.
    So as that never forget we bloging intrrneting socailly active crowd in india is an miniscule percentage of our demographiclly diverse country with mast majority are not even Anguthaa chap capable leave apart being literate.

  16. Interesting....but incomplete...i thought :)

  17. I totally agree doc, one has heard so much about you from toastmasters all across, now one knows why !

  18. First & foremost lemme Congratulate you for writing this blog !! :))

    By writing this , You have set in motion a very fundamental & powerful process-The process of sharing!!.... it's priceless!.. this process by itself ;-) All knowledge from Arjuna "sharing" his anguish to let's say Einstein "sharing" the theory of relativity have used the sharing process...

    Now coming to the eggs (why i thought it was women who had eggs ...LOL... )
    and regarding their hatching or the warning that if they don't hatch will go bad is so interesting that one will continue to post comments on this... on a point by point basis!!...enjoying and savoring each post and hoping that the Lady-girls ;-) also enjoy and hopefully have fun & benefit from the posts!
    ....... & yes ! i simply loved the title of your Blog- kam... oops i meant Calmsutra ... The Management consultant in me would suggest you something relevant regarding this term separately by a message !...
    Grateful ever for the invitation
    Cheers! ;-)

  19. that is an amazing write.i have had issues in this regard.after going through a spate of relationships that never ended in marriage because of indecision on my part or from the other side,and,with my fear of the institution called "arranged marriage",i decided to stay single.Where i tend to differ in thought is here
    I find a large number of women with the same issues!!!!!probably the numbers lean favourably towards the women in that they are outnumbered by the number of indecisive men.I wanted a wife who would be career oriented,independent and not the cloying domesticated home maker that abounds in my community.So i had to wait till 36 to find my partner and both of us are blissfully happy now!!!!!!!

  20. as usual a great read penned with lots of pun, satire but hard 'hatching' oops hitting. true, the society has metamorphosed into, if i can call it, a travesty of certain norms. a different meaning, has emerged out of all the relationships rather every relationship is open to a debate. i guess debate is fine as long as certain fragile threads r not broken up.
    this is indeed an issue which is becoming a reality in our day to day life. marriage has given room for live in.
    but then i believe that if and only if we get the right partner, only then life is an exciting great adventure/ road to traverse upon. till then lets continue to marvel on fact that men r from mars & women r from venus, so really cant predict the road ahead :)

  21. In my view no one is ever really truly seriously single. For every single there is another single with whom he(or she) comes in touch with...this way or that way. Companionship-camaraderie-copulation..friendship or(and)fornication are all components of the jigsaw. The main advantage of the "single" tag is the option to revert back at {more or less} free will. In a marriage, its generally a one way ticket.This one way ride with no returns is what scares the daylights out of an otherwise decent bloke.


  22. ..moreover...its much more fun to be a boy...who the hell wants to grow up? :)