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Monday, January 16, 2012

Speed Kills Cheap Thrills

Nothing is so bad that it can’t get worse!

Bengaluru, is culturally diverse and complex, it is not surprising to find that people here reflect the rich glories of the past, the culture, traditions and values. If you were among the millions in Bangalore who drive to work every day, you would probably grimace with recognition. With traffic congestion getting worse each year in the wake of constant growth in vehicle ownership, all kinds of people.sometimes even cows, throng the roads and your daily slog could easily put your life at risk.
Break Inspector Appointed By Nature

If there is one experience we all enjoy- I call it CT-Cheap Thrills!

It's a jungle out there! When it comes to driving on Bangalore roads, it is either easiest (if you are an alert driver) or the toughest experience (if you are a stickler for rules or a learning license holder) you may encounter. Our Driving Schools understand the trauma of driving through our Traffic. They are dedicated to providing you training on defensive driving, race car driving, traffic driving, aggressive driving, and child safety driving-Cheap Thrills- all inclusive!

Red Lights that stare!....It’s not a suggestion Friends!
The traffic light that stares us in the face every single day…and of course the RED light…it glows, we all know what it means….STOP! What do we do? Look around if there is a traffic cop- the moment we see none around there CT…we just take off through streaming traffic and enjoy the abuse yelled at us! Some of us even gesticulate rudely. Oh another boon- CCTV?…yeah maybe we need to just don some more make up change a full set of clothes or re-do your hair to look good when caught on camera jumping the light!

Indicator lights are always blinking in the direction opposite to the one you're turning! We have specialized in overtaking from the left. Wow what CT-in fact one road opposite the Garuda mall entrance actually insist that traffic flows the opposite way of what is expected as a rule.

Parking in No parking zones ! -Then the CT -waiting to see if our vehicles get towed away, or not.

The helmet hangs more on the handle than on your head! -CT
Pillion ends up becoming zillion behind. Suddenly the two seater bike gets converted into a family carrier right in front of our own eyes! Wah wat- CT until we get knocked down and actually need to undergo a CAT scan this time=CT

We hate queues!...guess we Bangloreans are what originated lateral thoughts in Edward de Bono’s mind …insist on making multiple queues. Which of course join the main queue?Imagine lane driving a guy planning to take a left turn would insist on driving in the extreme lane to the right-CT of course how can we deny him the pleasure? What CT if we actually manage to slip by …st lines or curved lines/lanes are an exercise in futility!

Mobile phone users have these funny postures, cricking necks and piles afflicted rears in order to adjust safe conversations especially since they are not allowed…Cheap thrills! The Network rarely falters!

Seat-belts…Gosh what CT… seen a majority wear it everywhere in and around the body, except where one is supposed to wear it! Most of them strap it on just to avoid the constant flicker on the indicator display panel in the car.Experts at bad posture-  you use your knees for steering more than your hands-Some CT!
Going so close and almost nuzzling against the vehicle in front of us…what CT… it’s like we are actually kissing the rear. And yet not!

Some of us, green revolutionists, don’t ever miss a tree in a car... our Air freshener!
Peeing on the roadside the cheapest thrill-its probably easier for a man because a woman would have to squat and it would just be a big hassle. Rarely seen woman pees on the roadside men don’t really care. 
Friends, watering concrete does not help!

You have the policeman hold your beer while you get your license-CT
Alcohol and driving don't mix, but still, many people love to drink and drive resulting in numerous road mishaps. Drunken driving has been recognized as a world menace, based on the stats which reveal that road accidents cause 1.2 million deaths and 50 million injuries around the world each year. Some 480,000 of these deaths and 20 million of people get injured by drunken driving

A lot many of us at Bangalore, are masters at breaking traffic rules and driving vehicles as carelessly as we wish. Traffic rules are flouted on our roads equally faster than changing lanes. Every single driving experience on roads here is race against time and it is better to keep your fingers crossed, if you are sitting next to the Formula CT Driver!

The very mention of rules makes some people rebel!
Traffic safety rules can be ignored at one's own peril. What is worse, the violators might end up harming not just themselves but law-abiding persons as well. A conscientious driver might be observing every rule under the book but if the driver behind him didn't bother with traffic niceties, he might add to the accident victims' tally.
This Could Be The Worst Turn Of Your Life!
Obey signs and signals. Seat belts are meant to be used. Don't indulge a minor by letting him drive. Children should play in a safe place away from the street. Use standard helmets while driving two-wheelers and don't carry more than one adult pillion rider. Carrying persons on the bonnet of a motor vehicle is not done. No person should be allowed to stand or sit in a manner, which would hamper the driver.

Right to life and safety is the fundamental right of any citizen. This is guaranteed under the constitution of every country in the world including India. However, more people die every year from road accidents all over the world than the number killed during the whole of the Second World War!..Cheap Thrills eh?

When things go wrong don’t go with them!
 The next time you feel like Romancing a Cheap Thrill, pause to think. A lot hinges on your decision!



  1. Hi Ushy, nice writeup. had a good laugh. But honestly bangalore is nothing compared to the wild-west...err northen bad lands of the country that lies north of the Vindyas. Driving is b'lore traffic is a walk in the park compared to wat happens there....believe me. Nearer home is the great temple town of kanchipuram. Here the traffic not only moves in diametrically opposite direction, but also horizontal-criss-cross. And traffic, per-se, includes bovine, canine and the occasional porcine creatures. The traffic signs often point the other way than intended cause the "arrow" has been knocked over by a passing car/bus/bike/cycle/bullock cart or the bull itself.
    Looking forward to more from the den(pen) of the Mata UKA.:)

  2. I've been here for the last 14 years now and am still the only white face I have ever seen behind the wheel of a car. I bought one for the sheer challenge of it and to have a little independence at the weekends and drive out of the city, everyone said I was mad but I just wanted the experience of it. And you know what; I can drive the Bangalore way if not slightly better and quite happily carve my way through the traffic without the remotest concern for anyone else!!

    And the other funny thing is that, I could drive the 10km journey from my place to the city center and back without using the horn, all I did was to use the mirrors and the indicators and was a bit considerate to other comrades on the road.

    Sure I've punted a rickshaw up the arse and scraped two other cars for no reason of mine.

    But I have to admit that I have finally hung up my driving gloves, I really enjoyed driving till about 2005, when you could actually drive in Bangalore but now that is impossible and sitting in traffic for 30 minutes to drive 2km brings on too much stress and tendencies of road rage for me. It is far easier to let someone else have that hassle whilst you watch the world go by or read a book whilst getting high on the fumes.

    Lucky me, I have company provided motor ferrying me from home to office and back and prefer to take the red devil if ever I have to cruise the city during peak time. It’s so disgusting to see cheap thrills by auto drivers, cab drivers, bus drivers, pizza delivery guys. Per my observation, school busses are the worst driven vehicles with the most unscrupulous drivers. And if ever someone bangs your car, you would be treated worse than a terrorist.
    What you get to hear?
    You don’t know to speak Kannada? How dare you live here? Or my brother is cooperators close alley, if you don’t pay me – you would end up in jail. See this coat, I am an advocate. Would screw your happiness if you don’t pay me as much as I demand. For the last 18 years, I have been into real estate business in Bangalore, I know every cop, every cooperator and every goon – you better pay for my mistake. My uncle is a cop, come out – I will show you what I can do.

  3. Hahaha Ushy, yet another brilliant stroke of your pen highlighting a consternation that differs in proportions from place to place. Yes, I have seen Bangaluru at its peaceful best some 25-30 years ago. Driving was a delight then within the city. But now it indeed has become a nightmare. Limiting my comments to just the snarl of Bangaluru I must say it has quadrupled ten fold over the years with the systematic increase in the populace of man, machine and animals alike. There was no attempt to proportionately develop the infrastructure to meet this demand. Mostly, it was the political greed that killed the infrastructural development than the vision itself. The master-plan of Bangaluru was a masterpiece in itself. But the outcome was more to cater to the animal kingdom than the man and machine conglomerate.

    Along with this deliberate congestion came the construction boom whereby concrete jungles began eating up wanting spaces like hotcakes. The consequence was a visibly growing belly without proper legs to support the massive weight. Townships and gated communities began springing up like mushrooms - again - with scant regard for infrastructure. What was once passionately called as the *garden city* began looking around in ironic bewilderment at any visible greenery.

    When patience runs out, there is no scope for rational thinking. With roads choking up, road manners of the once sane Bangalureans began getting exhausted and got adequately replaced by the mid finger culture. Visibly upset luminaries and elitists drove around with utter disdain for any traffic rules. Here stemmed the culture you so rightly defined - CT = Cheap Thrills!! Hahaha!

    The CT culture now rules the roads of Bangaluru. The authorities empowered to bulwark road mannerisms are easily bought off from a beedi to a bundle depending upon the extent of road misbehavior one involved him/herself in. In the absence of any firm diktat punishing nasty road manners, the CT culture reigns supreme. The animal kingdom has the last laugh considering the fact that they are beyond any law of governance :) - lucky buggers. At worst, they end up a pile of meat and find their way to the culinary tables of cheap hotels.

    Nevertheless, the CT humans indulges in is more out of a rush of blood the new machines offer them than the larger absence of infrastructure. The addictive CT syndrome prevails upon these humans regardless of the hazard they cause more to others than to themselves. The *Cheap Thrill* gives them a 'high' which they perhaps find it difficult to elude or acquire from a joint or a drink. That the consequence of these Cheap thrills is valuable human life is needless to say.

    Therefore, I too join your request to avoid the adrenaline rush for Cheap Thrills and value life in its precious form, and do pause to think before attempting one.

    Mataji, as is you and you only!!!!

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