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Sunday, December 26, 2010

"BITTER CHOCOLATE"...Could it get any worse?

"BITTER CHOCOLATE"...Could it get any worse?

“Scotch tape and Staples are all that’s holding civilization together

There was a lot of commotion in the Khan household. It was 6 pm, and their lovely nine-year-old daughter, Safiya had not yet returned from tuitions. Had she lost her way? Was she doing some shopping on her way back home? Or was she lost? Had something happened to her?

 I’m sure some of  us would have panicked in similar situations. Yes, Safiya did come back home,friends. She got delayed chatting with friends.

Well,would you be shocked and surprised, if I told yo all that Safiya was probably much safer on the streets of Bangalore than at home! 

No two children are the same, especially if one is yours and the other one isn’t!!!

Home is where the abuse is!... 
Dipti has never been like this before. The little girl shuns the company of friends, and has been bed wetting for the last few weeks. More badly, her teacher has informed her parents that she has not been doing her lessons properly.

There are many Diptis who maybe harboring these strange withdrawal symptoms, indicating they are trying to cover up a shame that should not have been theirs in the first place!

Going by estimates the childhood of 4 out of every 10 in India is snatched away by predators within the family. Western statistics are more alarming. Its 6 out of every 10 girls. That is, a close family member sexually abuses them.

 It’s surely a case of “Protector turning Predator” The cases could actually be more but are generally hushed up being a home affair. Child abusers could include any members of the family, immediate or distant.

If you could try to analyze two different situations which I’m going to narrate now, then surely you would be clear on what would be your line of approach to a similar problem in case you encounter any.

In Anjali’s case it was her uncle. She went into a shell after her harrowing experience and confided in her mother after a week.

However Preeti’s suffering never got reported! It was worse than that of Anjali.She remained in a state of shock for years because it was her own father, who was the perpetrator.

When Preeti’s mother came to know about it she faced a strange predicament!... Neither was she able to take any action against her husband, nor was she able to provide any consolation to her daughter!!

 Today Preeti though grown up, terms her mother a bigger abuser than her father as she never came to her rescue and instead kept a mute onlooker.

At this juncture, let me remind you that many people have trained their conscience to roll over and play dead... This is a highly sensitive issue rarely discussed. A staggering 82% of girls and women questioned in a survey conducted by NIMHANS reported an experience of abuse. That’s just in Bangalore alone.

Modern research has revealed that childhood abuse does not only affect the child’s present condition, but also causes permanent physical changes to the developing brain—Changes that could cause psychological problems in adulthood.

The research team identified four abnormalities in the brain that were much more prevalent in adults who had been abused as children:

-Likely to develop epileptic seizures
-Intense emotions such as sadness, embarrassment, anger.
-Explosive laughter (usually without feeling happy)
-Abnormal EEG and deficient development of left side of the brain. (Poor memory n frequent depression)

The whole issue of incestuous abuse exposes the irony of home as a source of refuge. Of course young boys and girls are sexually abused but the girls abused outnumber the boys.

Hence, I wish for you to know that sexual abuse is not just a case of gender, but of violence that needs to be fought on every platform.

 Problems would lessen if only people would listen. Please help me with some solutions together in an effort to stop “truth decay”

The right angle to approach a menace such as this would be the “try angle”

Another grim statistic reported by RAHI (Recovering and Healing from Incest) a Delhi based organization showed that the safety is not necessarily guaranteed within the family’s friend’s network, as 2/3rds of those who suffered molestation were victims of trusted adults.

Most often people discuss only the “stranger- danger” theory. This threat is easier to confront than the prospect of talking about abuse from within the family.

Despite large number of victims, only 12.8% chose professional help to deal with the trauma.

Friends who go through my Blog,I request all of you to please look beyond statistical findings. This is about human beings, individuals who have had to carry a horrible burden for life. The weakness of  man is a thing to be feared  and not his strength. Today,this is the real issue, which has to be dealt with.

I’m sure at least a few us right here in FB would have experienced the “indecent touch” maybe even virtually!!

The best way to put down abuse is to stop putting up with it.

 Please do observe and identify any physical and behavioral changes in children you know, such as depression, hysterical reactions, deep sense of isolation, physically hurting oneself abusive language and promiscuity.

Once we thought the world was flat, then round. Now, we sure know a lot of it is crooked!! Lets straighten it out when we can.

Friends,you must remember, as responsible adults we, could prevent gross levels of abuse. One needs to be extremely vigilant and make sure we run routine checks on not just friends and relatives when with children, but also members of the family. That “blind” faith and trust factor could surely be minimized.

Try to analyze close friends and relatives thoughts for most often abuse begins in the mind. A man has to think wrong before doing wrong!.. To know what is right and not do it, is as bad as doing wrong. From today, I appeal to all of you to help me amplify that small, still voice in a child.

Truth doesn’t ever die, but man’s indifference just paralyzes it!!

The trouble with children is that they can’t grow up to be anything but an adult.

I am sure you have to agree with me when i say... “It’s better to bring up strong children than repair broken adults.”.....I have begun to hate Chocolate!..Its beginning to taste very Bitter!!!


  1. When protected spaces turn hostile, it is hard to remain hopeful! Very relevant post Ushy. Children are so vulnerable and very rarely can one undo the damage caused. Saying a prayer for every person/child who has every been through this trauma...
    Kiran Pereira

  2. Most sexual abuse offenders are acquainted with their victims; approximately 30% are relatives of the child, most often brothers, fathers, mothers, uncles or cousins; around 60% are other acquaintances such as friends of the family, babysitters, or neighbors....U r absolutely right maam...The chocolate is getting bitter day by day...But u as a pedodontist can definitely be of some help to recognise such victims.........

  3. Children can be made aware in nursery and schools in an objective and factual manner of specific behavior on the part of the criminal that is indicative of his intention and the list of such behavior(I think some ten items including touching genital parts, kissing on the lips) that forestalls the abuse and children having become aware would report or share or get alert and avoid.

  4. unfortunately every aspect of the blog is true, and wat r we gonna do abt it?
    people who comit these crimes have no right to exist

  5. Rajeev Nandagopal
    this is something that has been on my mind for a while.a friend of mine moved from one city to a smaller town because he was worried for his kid who is 8 years old.he was not worried abt anybody in the family,but,in his words "flat culture"....he was living in a building with 120 tenants,hubby and wife being doctors,were coming home late and so the kids were susceptible.he changed town at a reduced salary for his kid"s sake.as for predators in the family,pardon my language,if it is a brother or an uncle or the father,kill the motherfucker!!!the child,poor thing,what does it know?it just trusts brothers,uncles,dad,and,if these people are going to be sexploitative of their own blood,shame on them.they deseve to be castrated and forced to eat their genitals.pardon my language,but,it is straight from the heart.See More