The TajMAAL of Corruption!

Every single day seems to be an abys-MAAL reminiscent of the age old scandals this country has been ravaged by. Starting from the Bofors to the 2G, and the CWG and now the Coalgate, how long is the list going to get?  

Coal MAAL hai bhai sab Coal MAAL hai!

We have a bunch of clever lawyers turned politicians who keep defending the worst and the most hopeless cases with some pathetic ingenious statements that leave people fooled. A few complicated words and feigning conviction seems to be one simple tactic employed to befuddle people. Of course I am quite sure they mean no MAAL-ice! 

Is this democracy afflicted with leprosy or as citizens we have become cynical and apathetic towards the truth. Have we all become MAAL-adjusting citizens of India?

It's raining SCAMS...it's feeling COALd!

The Parliament seems like a MAAL-adjusted fortress filled with demo bandits the ruling lead by a goonga BAD-shah who makes the value of non verbal communication grow by the second and his dedicated minions….. Of late BAD Shah has also donned the role of the official bard!- The official crow’s cacophony having ceased for a while! (Gratitude to my Friend Dwij for helping with illustrations)

Many States have their own share of MAAL-administrators- some from Karnataka picnicking in Argentina, some CMs and their cronies even officially advising their legislators on moderation in corruption! Little MAAL is good for one, but anything in excess is surely not good for legislators!

May their tribe not MAAL-tiply! Be it ….Chota MAAL …Mota MAAL or Coal MAAL.

The media seems to have taken up the matter seriously and selectively in some cases. Now is that because of the claims of some channels being very MAAL-eable?

I feel like ramming into this tower of silence and puncturing all the weak defenses and irrational arguments which defend nothing but the MAAL-A -fide intentions of the politicians involved.

In fact a vast majority of our administrators seem very MAAL-nourished! 

Guess they are always looking at MAAL-pani instead of their regular chai-paani!

Surely this is a serious case of chromoso-MAAL aberration which sees no remedy for this MAAL-ady in the near future! 

Hope we don’t MAAL-tiply to end up being the Taj-MAAL of Corruption!

The Italian Alpha Female

Watch Out For That HAND!

I am appalled a group of creatures on two legs that have been living closely together and have a dominant Leader…in this case an Italian Alpha Female. You CON men out there know what an Alpha female is. You sense it. You know it. You want it. It feels good. It makes you feel more masculine and you like it. It’s real simple and there isn’t any need for over intellectualizing this. It’s been around for centuries and likely will continue on ad infinitum.

In the current work settings, the Italian Alpha female may be a natural leader, exuding confidence. But, she also may be contentious, demanding and difficult to work with. This is thought to be in part due to the alpha female attempting to retain her stature, however unconsciously, as alpha. Being the top salesperson, the quickest worker, the most aggressive boss may contribute to remaining at the top, and the alpha female has a tendency to respond aggressively to any attempts by others to outshine her.

ILL-legitimate family fiefdom that holds the reigns of the neutered mute lot who watch in stone silence as their alpha female thumps her chest!

In the human setting, the Alpha female usually doesn’t fight physically, but instead acts with language, brusque or dismissive behavior, or with other tactics to remain at the top. Recently, a haughty Italian Alpha female was seen gesticulating and angrily egging on her tribe of native tribes’s to protest and stall the proceedings of the kingdom which she assumes she reigns! Or must I say in this context rants!

Sometimes hiding behind a mask helps Madam! Of course waving the HAND gets you some front bench activism as well!Most of the male species remain voiceless in this group as what works most is the:

The Italian Acoustic Axe: The specialty trait of the Alpha female:

Hum Karrrrenge…Nahin Darrrenge….seems deafening in many contexts! Whilst she keeps screaming to her tribe “my my” when a headgear toting Mum Man just watches haplessly as the alpha female holds the reins! He plans his work whereas she works her plan!

Pasta Pappu aka Heir in command?

To add to the already existing woes, we have a Pasta Pappu in the waiting! Someone who is to be subconsciously in sync with an Italian Alpha female whose mere presence makes him feel protected, secure, and safe? Surely he is no fidgety, nerdy Chicken Little who panics at every stressor! Remember the UP fiasco?

Let’s not fool the country with conversational gymnastics or making mere banal statements that reflect a deep seated insecurity and envy. Aryans thought they were just naturally superior to every other race, period. It is indeed tough to be an Italian Alpha Female! It has everything to do with the ability to achieve power, control, wealth and sociopathic status validated by the neutered kingdom

Hope the HAND that rocks the Cradle does not end up giving a Bone Crushing Handshake to the Nation!

The Fakirs and their Fast Ferraris

Don't buy a single vote more than necessary. I'll be damned if I'm going to pay for a landslide.

Joseph P. Kennedy

Hazare buries Team Anna? Or has he burnt the team and passed a stake through?

The Mascot and the face of the team suddenly did not feel like the glue he was?

Surely with his decision to disband the team, India against Corruption ceased going anywhere. The movement has surely fallen apart .Some key members nurtured political ambitions with oracular demos which were very evident from day one!

Was it Anna’s dismay that found expression or was it his sustained and suppressed anger which finally caused the crack!

Different ideological leanings and conflicting approaches to deal with issues on severely discordant notes were heard repeatedly on TV and by the time Anna disbanded the team it was ridden with fissures. Some rabble-rousers surely provided the movement with the fillip it needed but I was one of the first to back out by day Two!

Whilst Anna has gone back to his roots of being a social worker the others are branching out to join the turbulence of active politics? Surely there was no sting in the movement right from the very word go and the finally outcome was some of the people and aspirants being catapulted onto center stage.To some, a cruel joke being played on the people who gave it all up to lend whole hearted support for a STRONG Lokpal Bill.

Most of media has become an aspect of show business, offering mostly infotainment. It has evolved into an entity that tends to function as a PR agency for the wealthy and powerful multinationals and members of Govt in power. The commercial strategy that is implemented, appeals to emotions, personal and community safety, and mostly triggers indoctrinated views of authority.

The wily politicians are having the last laugh seeing this whole disarray! From fast to super fast mode the team got disbanded. Guess the blueprint for surrender was already drawn with the so called “secret” meeting and the subsequent fast was mere posturing.

I had heard that even the weak became strong in unity, but in this case, I shudder to think what might have been the inducement or threat used by the ruling coterie to ensure Anna give his fast up so super fast!

There goes ANNAther man sinking into the gargantuan quicksand of corrupt politics! RIP Team Anna!

Baba Ramdev are you in Listening Mode? Or are you the next Hungry half Clothed Trapeze Artist?

Fakirs Who Wish For a Ferrari Fast! …Fast.. but please…check your Fitness First!

The Crap Trap

ALL FART NO SHIT!

A poll conducted recently concluded that when you sit on the potty , both feet are evenly placed=33.33%, left foot is ahead of right=6.67%, right foot is ahead of left=13.33%, almost rarely both feet up in air!

Yesterday the country and TV Channels were abuzz with a new LOOk was discussed countrywide…mouth wide open and hesitating to crap! Thanks to MontekStink AaahLOOwalia!

Some Facts Before We Decide on this CRAP:

LOOk before You LOOt!

• The top three richest people in the world possess more financial assets than the combined assets of the poorest 10% of the world! If we take the current the world population as 7 billion, we have 3 richest people holding wealth more than 70 crore of poor people in the world! 
• Today we live in a world where 25000 people die of starvation every day. Thus in a period of two years, the number of casualties due to hunger related ailments is equivalent to the population of the city of New York! And in the same world a new billionaire is created every alternate day. Are we LOOsing track of reality? 
• IPL is the second highest-paid league in the world, second only to the NBA in the US. It is estimated that the average salary of an IPL player over a year would be $3.95 `million, which is approximately 20 crore Indian Rupees. It means he earns 5.5 lacs a day….. Less than 32 rupees a day and 5.5 lacs a day?
• What does it mean to be below the poverty line? It means that your earning is less than or equal to 32 rupees a day! If you go to Park Square mall in Bangalore, for one hour parking you pay 30 rupees! LOOting people? 
• In India, 37percent of the people are below poverty line that means 444 million people, which is larger than the population of United States. 40% of the Indian villages still remain without electricity, which means 240000 villages! LOOming darkness? 

Munificent expenditure by a body that designs India's economic blueprint - its five year plans - and which had controversially said that Indians who spend more than Rs. 32 a day in cities are above the poverty line? 

 

Imagine a Smart Card to Crap! Real VIP Crap!

35 lakhs on renovating two toilets at its offices in Delhi? Of the Rs 35 lakh spent by the Commission renovating two toilets at Yojana Bhawan, Rs 5.19 lakh were spent on a “door access control system”, which allows only 60 “very high dignitaries” provided with smart cards to use these international airport-grade restrooms. What shit was that? Shit casteism? - Very high dignitaries with very “low” intent?

The planning commission surely has one standard for the poor and another for the rich!

There is a popular reformist LOOkalike Baba who suggests "Mukta Pavaan Aasan" to combat this lavish excretion of the country’s natural human resources! Of course in "man made" exorbitant Crap Traps! Guess it's all in the name Ahhhh...LOOwalia!

Maybe its time for MontekStink to join NASA…Some gas and a nice flame with both feet in the air, and he will be in perfect lift off position!

He will be able to prove that men can fly! Perfect Crap for 35 lakhs!.....LOOsers!

Hope at least one day, we see an Angry Surd running out from these 2 toilets screaming "Eureka" to solve the problem of Poverty of India! Jai Hind!

• Acknowledgement: Gratitude to My dear Friend Puresh for all his help in sharing facts I requested for!
• http://planningcommission.nic.in/news/press_toilet0606.pdf

Oye Bengaluru- Namma Bitu Bitu

Attracting mosquitoes, repelling people-That is what good repellant mosquito coils, creams, racquets and mats do! A lesson well learnt it during my recent battles!

I am a crusader and an activist fighting corruption in education and issues pertaining to child abuse and neglect for more than a decade, but in the wildest of my dreams, I never thought that I would one day have to fight an invincible army …my biggest challenge-The modern tribe of irreverent, sadistic blood thirsty, merciless, domiciled, addicts…The Namma Mosquitoes!

They look like vampires have but evolved over time, ditching the scary teeth and flowing capes and adapting a smaller, less conspicuous look, deciding to settle in Bengaluru. The place fitted their bill and expectations! Bengaluru seems to have a special attraction for the mosquitoes. We are a very inviting and hospitable city. The lovely climatic condition is perfect for mosquito breeding. The sudden rain has left sufficient puddles that act as caring warm loving nurseries for mosquitoes. The sadistic and stubborn lot of flying pricks who strike you, when you can least, counter it with a scratch, like whilst cooking, rolling out rotis and sometimes even when fresh nail polish has been applied!

Damn! The harmful rascals! They make me feel armless sometimes!

There is not a single locality in Bengaluru that I know of, where you wouldn’t come across the mosquito menace. The mosquitoes in fact have overcome almost all the Commercial repellants. It makes no difference to the swarm as to what kind of repellant we use in the house or office, the howling swarm continues it attack in full force. I think it is more to do with the dedication, adamancy, their fertility and breeding than developing resistance.

A 1000 member swarm attacks, inhales the repellants-get high and start enjoying the sting!

Of course some take it to the next level and make ‘blood’ a three course meal! Wish they evolve to suck out fat instead of blood.

While the Corporation claims to have taken measures to bring the mosquito menace under control, residents associations feel that no action has been taken.

My life in Bengaluru has trained me to rely heavily on electricity for every single action in my life. Bad enough we have so many Rackets in our society, to add to my list is an Electrical Racquet! We all know that almost all the mosquito repellants are electrical. So where did that leave me? Somehow every time I held that racquet the unfulfilled desire of becoming Tennis pro got fulfilled within me.

Well, trying to fight away a blood thirsty swarm of mosquitoes using my bare hands!!It did not do much good, as far as I can tell. My neighbors were pleased they had a budding Qawwali artist, performing the rate at which I clapped my hand s at every failed attempt I made indoors as well as outdoors.

 Bengaluru is under seige! The enemy force, which out numbers Bengalureans by millions and feasts on namma “bloodu”, is none other the deadly mosquito!

The Corporation officials have their favorite lines-“all possible steps to curb mosquito breeding are underway.” Fogging, hand spraying…all gone up in a lot of smoke finally!

So what can Namma Bengaluru boast of today? High cost of Living, Poor Roads, Poor Electricity, Traffic Snarls, and an overdose of Mosquitoes!! And, where does it leave people like me? No idea on that…. I am still trying to figure it out!! Meanwhile,as a part of the mosquito de-addiction programme, I have consigned the mats, racquets and coils to Ulsoor lake.

Do ensure a steady supply of blood to snack on, fellow Bengalureans, for Namma Mosquitoes are here to stay!  

Praying they don’t fly out on a weekend “bloody” drinking binge!

The Advantage- Namma Mosquitoes have no curfew time! Jai Kaveri! Good Knight!


Acknowledgment: Images-Courtesy online open source

Between Cupid And The Devil- Will Kingfisher Survive?

It’s all about the color RED! oops I mean KingFissured!

Red is hot and red is strong, but how on earth does one plan to cut a Rs. 6000 crore debt? We have all heard the chairman insisting that within a jiffy, his airline would be back on track? It’s taken off into one crisis after another, including with the DGCA, non payment of salaries and lots of dues besides improper erratic schedules plaguing Kingfisher. Is it all about the colour Red?

The carrier surely must not be surprised to see another exodus. It has also started defaulting salaries, I’m told by a couple for friends who work in the airline. Some say there are issues within the top management. There is barely anyone who interacts or even boosts the sagging morale of these employees. Ill timed decisions, overt flamboyance and maybe even a flawed business model, have reduced the glory in red to a wingless bird without flight soaked in the blood of its unforeseen injuries.

Now was that a Boutique airline to customers? Was the concept Yachts with wings? The precincts remained Red. Many such concepts were flying across meeting tables and accordingly being translated into action! After all maybe an ill conceived concept , that ensured that in spite of 80-90 % carriage the red airline barely made any profits.

The merger with Air Deccan also backfired, somewhere in 2008. Around Rs.550 crores were spent on Air Deccan for operations to start under the brand name Kingfisher Red! The rebranding seemed a huge flop to me. Many ill informed passengers assumed that the service would be just the one on board the boutique carriers so ably designed by Mr Mallya himself. It sure felt well when he welcomed us on board saying each one of us was his personal “guest” on board. It almost felt like our own private carrier. Was it about the word Red?

The IT department have frozen all the accounts from when I last read..oops did I say red?

Is there hope of revival? Is Rs.2000 crores from SBI down the drain? Or could that be brought back and be trained again to fly? I am also told that about 40-50%of the pilots have quit, so like the blue airways that currently Jets across the skies, would it from be trainees who land us onto the tarmac? The inimitable dad and son combo however, believe that the problems of the red air are surmountable. Importing jet fuel seems a cruel joke and FDI in carriers cannot surely be the only panacea for an ailing airline. Just recently three dozen flights all over the country were cancelled. At many airports I did see the plight of all the passengers whose entire travel plans went haywire sometimes.

The government surely would not bail the red airlines out. It is going to be one turbulent flight. The feel at home “guests” currently feel very threatened by the choppy rides. The aviation sector as a whole is reeling under lots of issues. The best option would be to cut down, revamp and work out better plans for the future. Our honorable Minister for Civil Aviation, Shri Ajit Singh says he has allowed for foreign airlines to invest up to 49%in India. Passengers would only continue to grow. Mr. Singh seems very confident of conquering the skies! 

The color Red always has always indicated Stop! Maybe a range of seemingly conflicting emotions of love, lust,rage, violence and warfare!

Would this time around sighting a Kingfisher in the skies be rare? Surely, hope not!

Red is the color of happiness and prosperity in China, and may be used to attract good luck….why not just this time,Cupid win the battle! Could Red mean start all over again? 

“The Indian Penile Code” IPC

Why Do We Need Clothes When The World is Full of Naked Kings !

A friend once told me “If we believe in our Democratic Processes, we shouldn't crib about a terrorist trying to take advantage of our legal system of appeal. He, as an accused under Indian Criminal Laws, has a right to appeal up to the Supreme Court of India and we should prepare for that too.”

I have every right to crib about the Indian Penile Code.

Rape, prostitution and pornography have existed since ages. The first one is about aggression, the second about soliciting and the last one a relatively new development after the Kodak camera!

With more politically erect men, in the driver’s seat, we may have to soon pass the “Women’s Preservation Pill!” It’s not the man per se having the power….A vast majority of public figures quoted in tawdry sex scandals have been men…maybe a reason why not many women don power in politics!

Sexual addiction has affected some of the most noted figures in television, politics and entertainment. The irony of the examples of Berlusconi, Bill Clinton and the X files lead, David Duchovny are just a few examples of problems of sexual addiction manifesting in men of power.

Former FBI Director, J. Edgar Hoover, has been exposed in a new book by Darwin Porter. It’s surely worth the read. Hoover had secret pornographic films and nude photos of young stars such as Frank Sinatra. Hoover claimed he was a heterosexual, but never married and lived his entire life with male FBI agent Clyde Tolson. The book states Hoover also had photos of naked men with large penises hanging on his bathroom walls. Straight men do not do any of those things. He was also caught wearing a pink dress, in a story that has lived in infamy.

Most people are an abomination with no respect for the law or privacy. Sadly, some of the people in power of today are no better, as they spy on people in their homes via audio and video means such as phone hacking, wiretapping, hidden cameras, infrared and secretly turning on the webcam on people's computers.

The first citizen of Andhra Pradesh, Governor and veteran congress leader, 85 year old Mr Undie Tiwari was caught into a major sleazy sex scandal in Raj Bhavan in Hyderabad. He was caught red handed while involving himself with young women in sexual acts at Raj Bhavan by hiring girls from brothels. ABN Andhra Jyothi channel has showed exclusive footage captured on Spy cameras. Andhra Pradesh Police is said to have rounded the TV channel Andhra Jyothi to force them not show any footage of the sexual acts of Tiwari. The TV channel also received a High Court order from principal secretary saying that it should stop telecasting the story on the governor immediately.

The Indian Penile Code has excused a political veteran for his galloping prostate! And instead warned the channel against broadcasting the clip! We are truly proud of this Gene Seeder!

People with money power and celebrity status often have poor feedback network and are invariably surrounded b people who are dependent on them for employment or security which makes them reluctant to tell their boss the truth. Certain politicians and celebrities may also feel a sense of invincibility. For others, sexual acting out maybe more similar to how most of us views speeding. We know it’s illegal and we know we are not above the law, but we don’t necessarily think we will ever get caught.


Smart attractive powerful people can and occasionally do have empty emotional lives. There are certain people who always are in the spotlight like our very own Mr Abhisex Stingwee. He surely enjoys the consistent attention and validation from media especially Mr Doorknob Goslam-me. In the process of being the party’s Poke- person, Mr Stingwee might have had this serious need to be seen and validated over and over again. Sexual escapades allows such people a release of intense pent up emotions and allow them all the attention they so badly desire and can privately get. They rely mostly on external validation.


Some people are mentally ill, sexually dysfunctional, perverted voyeurs who spend time secretly spying on people for sexual kicks. Can we imagine a Driver burning a CD? Singhvi claimed the driver existed but such a CD did not or if it does, it is clearly and obviously morphed, fabricated and forged! Mr Stingwee claimed that such a CD either does not exist or if it does, it is clearly and obviously morphed, fabricated and forged. Woo... A driver that could do all of this? Wow! I would kill to find such a literate man behind the wheels! I mean in control!

This scandal indicates total abuse of power. Real power for Mr Stingwee comes with money. It is money that most often causes infidelity and or sexual opportunity. The Congressman had the illusion of powers but only the very rich get away with it and keeps the other quiet with a gravy train.

In politics, the dust generated by sex scandals is much more than the sweat due to hard work!

Why do the people in offices of power play the resignation drama? The illness drama? Why do the Party heads praise Ministers/Governors/SeniorPartyMembers and Pokes Persons for their blatant indulgence and defend them?? Why this dishonesty and hypocrisy? How come rarely and conveniently any punishment is meted out? Why does the law works in different ways for such immoral corrupt infidels resting cooly in their banana hammocks?

The Police investigations against those in sex scandals have almost always been a farce!
The Indian Penile Code would continue! Oops did I say Continue…

In the words of the Honorable Mr Abhisex Stingwee,“The pen-is mightier than the law-and easier to screw with!” Three cheers to the National Pokes Person! May he safeguard the Indian Penile Code? Time to set things straight! Oops did I say Straight?

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/goa/Cong-calls-for-stern-action/articleshow/5140370.cms

http://myneta.info/rajsab09aff/candidate.php?candidate_id=105

http://ibnlive.in.com/news/cd-row-singhvis-personal-matter-congress/249894-37-64.html